Frankie left at 06h30 this morning to go and spend the weekend with her father... see goes every fortnight and my ex and I have a really good relationship, to the point I am going to his wedding in April.
And here is the problem... This is my first weekend alone since the split/diagnosis/termination... and its a horrible place I find myself. I got ready to go to the shops this morning, walked out the door, and bottled it. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to be out.
Then my friend in Maidenhead called and invited me over for a party tonight, to get me out of myself. Initially I agreed... but within half an hour I had texted him to make some pathetic excuse and pulled out.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I was the biggest party freak that ever walked this earth, but now all I want to do is pull the covers over my head and not wake up again.
I don't want to make conversation, not even with my very best friend of 30 years who I have shared everything with.. and this bothers me, because I can't believe this is all down to the UGB, and the events of the past 2 months.
There must be a solution to this, although I am at a complete loss as to what it could be...
But on the bright side, at least I am aware there is a problem...
At least, I think thats the bright side!